Have you ever just sat and thought what the fuck am i doing !!!!

weather you believe in god the universe or fate or even that arsenal are a good football team , surely there’s been a point in your life where you have sat there and just thought what the fuck am i doing and i don’t mean like what am i doing today or why am i stood in the bathroom with my plate , i mean what the fuck am i doing with my life

it occurred to me after having weeks of stress and one of my little paddies and a hangover and maybe i was hangry too but i just sat on my couch and looked and thought what the actual fuck am i doing im sat here feeling like this and for what , none of its going to make anything better im sat in the same room i sit in everyday just going about my buisnes with my brain and feelings that shut off that i actually dont feel like i know what life is i live routinely and the stresses of other things take my mind away from whats really important i wonder what should be important , my kids and my job are very important to me but when i look at the future all i see is routine do i want to be sat here in ten years being pissed off about shitty things in life or being that routined that i miss what i could have in life , i feel like im in limbo with no idea whats going on

people say what is the meaning of life and i honestly beleive that its diffeernt to everyone or tweeked to be there own personal way and i really have sat an thought hard about this what is actually the meaning of life , if i was giving someone advice to someone it would be to love and be loved live everyday like its your last make it count and rember your not here forever fuck the haters and be you because being you is unique and special so make your mark but then i sit and think about me and i just think what do i want i live a life of doing things with my ex so my son feels like a family so i then get scared to meet anyone because i dont want to hurt anyone and my feisty side comes out because im too scared to be hurt so i dont bother and carry on with my routine i go out with my friends i do the family stuff with my little archie and then i come and sit on my own i then go to work and constantly look after people then come home and pass out on my own am i lonely even though i see people and look after people all the time god knows all i know is i feel an empy feeling yet ungreatful because i have a lot more than many and my life could be worse so i just crack on with it

today was different today i sat back and felt sadness with that empty feeling a feeling of being alone and when i asked for help got turned away because it didnt benefit them and it hit me , i have built barriers that far up that i dont actually know how or what to feel anymore im numb im scared so i just carry on and i looked up and i just thought what the fuck am i actually doing with my life why has there been no sign why dont i know what to do and what i want

i like to help other people so i forget me but it really does seem that in the process i have really lost me , dont get me wrong i know im an obnoxious gobshite and i know that i can be very caring aswell but in all honesty i just feel like a lost little girl who just doesnt know where to turn or what to do

Published by kimbokslice

just ypur average moaning human

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