you see me and you resent me for leaving you , you sit there and think im cruel and that i just always make you out to be the bad guy , you even go around with you head down and your sad little face playing the victim , woe is me when really i never had to do any of them things because you did them yourself and in the end you didnt use once ounce of your being to change it and as i sit here now i actually believe you feel like you was the one hard done by

10 years ago i met a man who i was willing to give my life too i took your son on in a matter of weeks , i fell in love with you like i had never been in love before infact i would go as far to say it was an unhealthy type of love within 2 months id caught you on dating sites , messaging your ex and being left on the floor in tears when you thought it was ok to to leave me at xms and i forgave you straight away more fool me , i then spent many years being put down by your family being told how lucky i was was to have you when what they didnt realise was i was trying to deal with there drug addicted son and his moods and the way you used to leave me and so called sleep in your van or the moods and the the way i had to wait for you to have a joint before you would be nice to me so to have to listen and watch your family look down on me whilst all that was going on was hard but i smiled and kept my gob shut for you like i thought a good girlfriend should do , now i know that you say all i ever do is bring up the past but what i say to that if it wasn’t resolved or forgiven then its still there and if nothing changes then its easy to remember the bad times

i spent nights crying into a pillow hiding my tears from my friends and family i even spent 10 years living a seperate family life whilst you went around having everything a man could ever dream of and yes its big headed but i can back that shit up but the biggest thing you didnt do was realise what you could of had forever and what you was about to loose

Now i would be here for a very long time if i went through every single thing that hurt me but heres a few big ones for you whilst your say playing victim

Drugs

dating site

messaging other girls

throwing me out of a car when i couldnt walk because i asked if you loved me

calling me a fucking nobhead whilst i lay in a hospital bed

couldnt be arsed with me

made me believe i was lucky to have you

argressively scared and put your hands on my son

GOT COKED OUT OF YOUR HEAD ON YOUR WEDDING DAY

Now this is just a few things i can think of whats at the top of my head so i hope reading this you see why its hard to not bring it back up many would say i have had a lucky escape but even after all of this i still loved you i still come running back because i was terrified of loosing you and because i loved you so deeply

i will give you one part of the ten years and thats when we had our miricle baby , you was there for me like i cant describe you was everything i needed you was my voice my strengh and the reason i was able to cope with it all but i spent so much time wondering where that man went after it , it was like a taster of what i could of had and i clung on to this person hoping and praying he would come back but slowly but surely i started to realise that this wasnt right i didnt deserve to feel like this i didnt deserve to feel lonely in a marriage i wanted to laugh i wanted to be my fun self again the side of me i never shown you because i was too busy living to make you happy and bit by bit i built myself back up , i spent time with my friends just being me being fun being crazy letting my hair down realising that this is me and i started to see the difference between myself with them and when i was with you , i used to sit in the corner and watch you walking round doing jobs or playing on the computer wishing you would stop and just sit with me maybe even smile or laugh with me till that day come i just couldnt take it no more i was deflated heart broke and had to leave after weeks you didnt fight to come back i eneded up fighting for you to come home and it all happened again nothing new exept this time i was stronger i knew who i was and i knew what i wanted and all i wanted was to feel loved , lots of intamacy and to laugh but most of all feel like a family but still you couldnt infact even a wheely bin come before me and your job .

sooooo this is the last chapter and this is my message to you .

I am stronger i am wiser and whilst i might struggle to get my head around everything and having to feel like iv lost ten years of my life i now know that the man i was searching for was around for the one month in them ten years that wasnt the real you . i will not play the victim nor will i sit in a puddle of self pitty like you do , i will grow stronger i will have the best family life and I WILL find someone who wants all of this with me , i will give a man the dream life and he will recipicate it and i hope that one day behind that self pitty cloud of yours you realise that theres more to life than your job and tasks ,no doubt i will be long gone by this point but just remember this YOU LOST YOUR FAMILY AND DIDNT FIGHT FOR IT and guess what YOU LOST A PRETTY FUCKING GREAT WOMAN

Published by kimbokslice

just ypur average moaning human

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