Two years ago i joined twitter a very scared unsure person , it was something new and nobody new me so it was easy to just be me and not be worried that anyone i knew would talk about me , i had just had an accident and suffered from a compound fracture and had surgery to insert intramedullary nails into my leg ( metal bars haha ) i was also suffering from ptsd due to the trauma of this and every day seemed like a mental and physical battle. I was unsure of my career weather i could physically ever do it again i was even scared of anything actually touching me as the thought of ever feeling pain like that again actually caused me to have panic attacks to the point i actually ended up seeking help i was one of the lucky ones who new i was going into a very dark place and all i could say was, my brain was broken, i don’t think anyone understood what i meant but that’s how i felt i mean im a very strong minded person and have over come many battles in my time but this was different i was so scared of life its self and i didnt have that fight to say right lets do this, i just felt utter weakness like iv never experienced before and i couldn’t speak to anyone because the person they new was nothing like this she was loud occasionally funny and had more energy than Tigger on red bull my mum was always telling me to slow down calm down but i just loved life before this so much that i was permanantly excited and never wanted to stop , so how could i tell anyone that my brain was broke and that kim had disappeared how could i make anyone laugh , i couldnt then came twitter .
The 1st few days i was like wtf is this and what are all these things what’s a retweet and how do i make James Morrison my friend haha . i then got to grips with it and got my 1st few followers and i used to love just watching the controversy and knowing it was nothing to do with me or anyone i knew , no drama. after a while i made a few friends and was able to put my pinned post about my leg as the councilling i was getting was helping, again nobody new me to think anything of me and i could just be honest with my feelings which was liberating in a crazy way because as much as iv always said what i think iv always been a closed book when it comes to my own feelings and certain followers would message me on physio days just to give me a push tell me i could do it and it actually meant the world to me .I would come home from physio 3 times a week crying in pain but i knew i had to do it and i new i had a different kind of support , i was actually only meant to go on twitter whilst i recovered never realising i would make some long life friends and the more i did the harder it was to come away i do have my favs which are mostly the ones who has stuck by my crazy and misunderstood ways haha but you are the ones i need to thank because without even knowing you have not only gave me the strength to get kim back , you actually brought a bigger and stronger kim back to life i now voice my opinion more ( in a kind way ) i learned to let go of what others thought of me and the biggest one is you all learnt me that being weak is ok as long as we keep going forward and because of all this im a better person .
Twitter can be a bad place a nasty place even like a kids playground at times but if i look back and just think of the good then i can honestly say twitter was my saving grace and i really really hope that i and others can be that for all struggling out there like i said i was the lucky one who seen the signs , other people dont and in a world we live in now i see a lot of people trying to validate themselves and i always say at what cost or how much would you do just for a like . We need to see that we dont need to be something were not just to be liked and that it is ok to be scared , frightened and weak and ask for that help, it is ok to feel insecure in life and yourself, it does not make you less of a person its ok to be vulnerable that’s what makes us human .
There are many things people wont know about me on twitter and i still like that as im judged on just me not my life maybe one day i will write a blog on my life and surroundings haha but for now i will let you just try and cope with me as i know thats hard enough , but please just take a minute to ask yourself why is a person doing what there doing there are story’s behind every tweet so just be kind and if you don’t like it then it really is easier to just unfollow and move on don’t start tweeting about what there doing because that just makes you look sad because your having to use what other people do in there lifes to tweet something concentrate on your own doings not others , anyway i hope you have a blessed life and always remember in a world where yo can be anything just be kind