Do you ever them thoughts where your like wow I’m proper weird why did i even think that!!! well guess what i do i have my own little world where i like to disappear some are fun some are wishes and some are just plain and simple weird , my anxiety plays a massive part in this like a protective bubble and then sometimes goes against me in irrational thoughts here’s some examples just for a laugh
fun thought …. i will lie there and imagine i have just won the lottery and im going round a shopping center and then i realise im still in facking river island buying a 20 pound top haha
wishing thought …. I imagine that all the bad things that are happening or have happened and didn’t happen and wonder what kind of person i would be , this is my protective bubble to get me back to being ok and being able to deal with things slower .
Anxiety and irrational thoughts ….. if I’m really hurting and feel like everything is too much and i get panicky and don’t know what to do i sometimes think maybe if i just step in front of that car or maybe if i get hurt just enough to put me in a coma so i can sleep and forget the world just for a little bit until its all ok because i don’t want to die but i also don’t want to be awake right now .
The last bit of that was a bad thought i know but the raw truth is that that’s a low point i know and when them thoughts come creeping in i know its time to do something about it so if you do ever feel them lows please speak trust me it helps !! funny story time .
when the Manchester bombing happened i was that distraught over it especially as a parent thinking that could of been my child i sent myself into protective anxiety Annie mode (which if you said that to my josh he would be like ohh god no ) and started thinking right i need to protect him from all harm we cant be here right now , so i grounded josh so he couldn’t leave the house and made a plan of action haha (this is all weird and true i know ) i then made an urgent appointment to go see my doctor to which i did and i walked in and he was like hi Kim you ok blah blah blah and i straight faced sat there and said right i need a full health check because iv decided i need to immigrate and he was like right ok and whys that then ( at this point he could see i wasn’t being me ) and my reply was , because nobody is gonna bomb Australia !!!! why in the world i thought this i will never know like Australia had this kind of protective bubble , i wouldn’t mind i shit myself flying so how i would of got there is a mystery haha anyway i am lucky enough to have a really good and thoughtful doctor who doesn’t just throw tablets at me and send me on my way he sat with me for 45 minutes reassuring me that all these feelings are heightened and will come down after a while i just need to take a step back and see this , anyway i walked out thinking wanker il just get another one too check me hahaha anyway after a few days of calm and normality he was quite right i sat there and thought wow Kim you dick, anyway josh was ungrounded and life carried on haha
The fact is that we all have a little bit of anxiety weather it be big or small and there is nothing to be ashamed of , i apploud the work of psychiatrists but on most occasions all we really need is someone to sit and listen to us and tell us its ok we might not be able to fix it or even understand it but we will walk beside you every thought and every step of the way because do you know what , were all in this world together and id rather walk beside someone than judge from afar .